Joke of the Day
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An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.  After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, “Hey, ya wanna hear a blonde joke?”
 
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.  In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are  blind,  that you should know five things:

     1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
     2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
     3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
     4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
     5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.”
 
“Now, think about it seriously,” Mister.  “Do you still wanna tell that joke?”
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

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A girl came skipping home from school one day.

"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other
Kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,
6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said.

"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy,"
She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids
Could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy,"
She yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the
Other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank
Top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

"No Honey, it's because you're 24."

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A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer that you'll ask me, I will pay you $500!." Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

 The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Air phone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to no avail.

 After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

 

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Hailstorm

A blonde was driving home and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car
was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to the repair shop.

The shop owner saw that she was a blonde and decided to have some fun. He
told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard and all the
dents would pop out.

The blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing
into her tail pipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder and still
nothing happened.

Her roommate, also a blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"

The blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the
tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

Her blonde roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Hell-oooo! You need to roll
up the windows first!"

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Misc  Blonde  Jokes

ONE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning,
the wife (undoubtedly blonde also), picked up the phone, listened a moment
and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know 'if the coast
is clear.'


TWO

Two blondes are walking down the street: One notices a compact on the
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it; looks in the
mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands
her the compact She looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"


THREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and
buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the
door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the
gun, and as she does so she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and
puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"


FOUR

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She
proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says,"O.K., what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."


FIVE

Q. What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was
pregnant?
A. "Is it mine?"


SIX

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously,
she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was
applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.

"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was
stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"

"Yes, officer, I'm just fine!" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he
surveyed the wrecked car.

"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving
along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of
me.  So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to
the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there
again, was another ......"

"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off... "there isn't a tree on
this road for 30 miles. That was your  air freshener swinging back
and forth."

SEVEN

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the
crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit
patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the
blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog,
then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my
possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman!"

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